Poop Is Brown

1. People at work. There are an elite group of individuals at my job who mope around all day looking for a pity party & bitching about actually having to do work. Hey, assface, there’s the door. If you don’t fucking like it here, go somewhere else. I don’t need to see your pissy sad, “oh poor me I have job and I actually have to do work to get paid” face. Yes, getting up early sucks. And I will not argue that some crap is tedious & annoying. There are people who will get on your nerves. But if every day you show up looking like I just killed your dog, maybe it’s time to make a career move. That or grow a pair of balls & deal with it. Sorry your mom’s not here to wipe your ass anymore. (And don’t dare come to me saying that I’m a slacker by being on the internet, it’s not my fault I’m efficient & do my shit right the first time.)

2. 87° F @ 10:40 am with 75% humidity. Seriously, WTF? It’s not even June yet & you’re gonna pull that bullshit on me. Speaking of…

3. People who say we need to stop using air conditioning to save the planet. Hey, I’m as much for saving the planet as the next guy (I’ve even been accused of being a tree-hugging hippy) but when you self-righteous assholes who live north of the Mason-Dixon try to shove that up my ass, expect a punch in the face.

4. Kids who don’t respect their parents. I in no way will say that my parents are perfect, but I still have respect for them. These are the same people who gave up their lives to make sure I had clean clothes, was protected, well fed, and educated. Did they make mistakes, hell yes, but they’re human, and to expect faultlessness is just outright stupid. I walked around on Mother’s Day & saw a few adult children taking Mom out to lunch. But there were those who clearly viewed it as an obligation, not an honor to pay tribute to their parent for all the hard work and sacrifice placed into making this ungrateful little bastard into a living breathing adult. Then I read a few columns talking about how parents don’t deserve respect because the child is lacking in some way as an adult (e.g., divorced, drinking, can’t afford mortgage payments, go nowhere career). Um, hello, mom & dad are there to make sure you get love & stay alive. What you make of your life is on you. If you’re a sad sack who lives in a shitty apartment with a crap job and can’t keep a real relationship that’s on you. Mom & dad didn’t make you a loser; you chose to be the person that you are. If you don’t like who you are, then make something of yourself & stop blaming the world for turning you into an asshole. Trust me, you got there all on your own.

5. McObalinton - I’m over it. If I vote Stalin, can we all go home?

6. The Hills. Dear G-d in heaven, if you watch this show, please just set yourself on fire & spare the rest of us your vapid, useless existence. Your sole function on the planet at this point is converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. To call this show retarded is an insult to those of low intellect. The fact that this show continues to air is just further solidifies my stance that I cannot bring a child into this world.

7. Cheeseburgers. Why must you be so delicious?

8. Chronic drunk drivers. In the span of two days I have read two stories (#1 here) about drunk drivers who killed people because they were either too fucking stupid or too damn self-absorbed (or both) to think…”hey, maybe my drunk ass should not be behind the wheel”. This is why I believe in the death penalty. It actually nauseates me to know that the laws are not strong enough to do anything about these men. But, hey, we got the local weed dealer locked up for 10-20! Yes, I can totally see the logic here with all the people that pot’s killed over the years, yep, thanks government…awesome job.

Ok, enough ranting for now. Maybe more next week.