Poop Is Brown

Some of you may remember Michael Winslow from his multiple appearances in the Police Academy movies. To my fantastic luck (or lack there of) this is who I sleep next to every night. OK, well not the real Michael Winslow, but judging from the odd array of sounds I’m greeted with some nights, you’d swear you were watching the man himself. Strange whistles, hums, animalistic grunting, something akin to honking, and unexplainable lip smacking chewing sounds that would lead you to believe there was a feast of Roman proportions on the other side of the bed. Last night, I was privy to a symphony of rare and impressive proportions. It began precisely at 3 am with teeth grinding and continued its grandeur until 5:30 am (just slightly before my alarm was due to wake me for yet another fun filled adventure in scheduling). Perhaps it would be better if it happened every night so I would know to expect it. Or even maybe if the sounds were continuous throughout the witching hours. But no. The sounds are wily and deceptive. They start slow, grow to a glorious crescendo, and then taper off slowly, lasting between 5 and 10 minutes for each performance. Then it stops. You think it’s over. Nay may friend, that was just the opening performance. At completely random intervals, sometimes 2 minute respites other times 20, it will begin again washing over you like a horny, unfed warthog, filling your ears with sounds that shouldn’t be possible from an ordinary human. Coupled with the Bloodhound Foot (this is the foot that seeks you out wherever you are on the bed & insists on rubbing against you for minutes on end) my nightly sleep is ALWAYS an adventure in entertainment. I wish I had the computer skills to record these special moments for you, but as I am the only honored audience for this unparalleled display, I’ll just leave it at, “I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats”.

Seriously folks, this has got to be one of the most pricelessly incompetent criminals I have EVER seen. In fact, I’m shocked this didn’t happen in Florida (land of the weird, home of the strange).




Click on the picture for a link to the whole story. But really, taping branches to yourself as a disguise to rob a bank…really?! “I swear officer, it was the mightiest oak I ever did saw!” And the most fucked up thing of all…they actually gave him $$ & he got away! Shock & awe, shock & awe, that’s all I got!

Good G-d, does Oregon have NOTHING better to worry about?! The best part is that “The city is looking into retrofitting the posts with metal collars and chains that run between them, which they hope will change the look.”

Scrappy-doo ain’t got shit on this dog!

Personally knowing a flight attendant or 2 makes this letter of complaint from a Continental Airlines passenger regarding seat 29E all the more funny. Please to enjoy:

Stupid people make my brain sad, however when stupid people make signs…well that’s just funny. Check out this protester:

I found it here but it was a link from www.Digg.com. Yes, I dugg it

Someone sent this crazy shit to me & I’ve got to say whoever created it must have been following me as a kid. Everything from every movie that ever made you want to pee you pants…#1 is TOTALLY on spot!!
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So I figured I’d enter the wide world of stock trading and possibly make a few bucks based on risk. Hey, it works in Vegas, right? So after searching around online for a good do-it-yourself stock-trading site (not like I know what I’m doing or how to do it myself), I go with one and start to register. After said company knows what I do, where I work and how many children I want, they have me agree to all these crazy contracts, which is fine because I am giving them my money to make more, hopefully. Then comes the catch, after all these agreements and such, they now want two grand of my money for investing! Two grand, that’s $2,000. If I had that kinda money, I wouldn’t be looking online for a cheap do-it-yourself trader and I’d be hiring a financial advisor to warn me not to do things like this.

Ok folks, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy the past day or two, so this is the only post you’re gonna get from me today. I do not know how many all of you are familiar with the new Google Maps feature where for certain cities you can get 360 degree/panoramic views of the area in question. Google sent down their crack team of photographers to take all these photos of the pertinent areas. Well, as luck would have it, they caught some people doing some questionable activities along with some other very odd images. I present to you an image caught by the Google team in San Bruno California of a guy who just couldn’t hold it any more.
Here’s the link Pee MAN And here’s the pic